I feel particularly lucky to be a business owner. 

Not for all the reasons you’re thinking — in charge of my own paycheck, freedom from a desk and four extremely boring walls, and of course, endless opportunities to make money. 

No, I feel incredibly lucky because it has forced me to network. Something I’ve hated doing since I learned what it was in college. 

It’s forced me out of my bubble, forced me to reckon with my social anxiety, and forced me into meeting some of the absolute coolest people. 

Before I started my business — and even in the beginning stages of it — I hated networking. 

We’re told not to define who we are with our job… but then, what’s networking when you work for someone else?

Yes I hear all of the arguments you’re making but I don’t want to hear it. This is my blog, my experience. 

I was underpaid and undervalued at almost every job I’ve had. I didn’t have the time, energy, or know-how to think beyond what was in front of me. That I could network for my own personal development. 

Even when I started my own business, I thought, “I’m going to be one of those online business owners who does everything behind a screen. I can work with clients anywhere in the world, I don’t need to meet people.”

How long did you think I lasted? 

Stubbornness kept me going for a year and half. A YEAR AND A HALF!

My first networking event? I met my mentor.

My second networking event? Everyone was rude to me and I’ve never wanted to leave somewhere faster. 

But I didn’t quit. 

I said fuck it. I have to network but I don’t have to network like this.

Soooo what do I do? 

What interests me? 

What did I hate about previous event? 

If I’m going to leave the house, what makes it worth leaving for two hours? 

The answers (in order): sustainability, tech-bros & trust fund babies (no offense), women business owners & good vibes. 

Like the average female experience for most things I said, “no way. I can do this differently. I can do it better, and I can do it in a way that doesn’t suck out my soul.”

And you know what? I did! 

This is what inspired Chaotically Sustainable (my podcast). 

I don’t know if it’s gender-based, I don’t know if it’s the neuro-divergents vs the neurotypicals, I don’t know if it’s energy (yes I do, it’s definitely energy) but going to a networking event where everyone is looking for a transactional connection — a ‘you’re only worth talking to if you can give me something’ and people looking to always get more than they give — makes the vibes different. Bad different. 

Networking events don’t have to be like that. 

The events I go to and the people I meet (attract) all believe that my business doesn’t have to suffer for yours to succeed — and vice versa. 

Networking feels soul sucking when it’s done in that traditional (white male) way. It’s transactional and it honestly feels a little deceitful. Each person is trying to ‘win’ at connecting.

*shivers* ICK.

I’m writing this coming from two networking events in the past two weeks. 

Just this morning I met up for coffee with a friend — who I met at a movie screening ‘networking event’ — and a new friend I met at a networking event.

As biz owners we were able to grab coffee for THREE HOURS. And not just talk about ourselves and our businesses, but who we are and what we want from this relationship. 

Just from coffee where we talked about nothing and everything I feel so inspired. So proud to be in these spaces. 

To be around people who started their businesses to help others, to leave something positive behind and be something positive in the right now. 

Not because they wanted to make a fuck ton of money. 

Although that’s always a welcome side benefit. 

I’ve been thinking about starting this podcast for over a year. But I got home today hungry to help expose small business owners who truly give AF. 

So I decided to buy the damn mic, download the damn software and do the damn thing (Chaotically Sustainable). 

Our laws are crumbling around us, our rights going backwards, our land stripped, our communities defunded (literally) it truly feels like we’re living in a simulation. 

And we’re just out here paying rent?? And trying to eat good food??? And trying to parent our parents?? Like what?

I’ve never been a person who has a ton of friends and moves between groups. My focus and attention get too spread out to have meaningful relationships that way. 

But I have impressed myself, and been impressed by, what I’ve learned and accomplished networking. 

I’ve met clients, I’ve gotten referrals, I’ve made networking buddies, and I’ve made real friends. 

I think we’re living in a time where we’ve forgotten how ‘to people’. That’s a verb.

We’re so busy and so online that we’ve forgotten what community feels like. What community means. 

I recognize it means something a little different to everyone, but your definition most definitely overlaps with someone else. Don’t you want to find them? 

Millennials and younger were taught this old, icky way of networking — if they were taught any at all. And I think it’s time we undo that. 

I didn’t come from a family who had connections. Or knew how to make them. 

Hell, my family is only 2 generations in this country on both sides. 

Some people have figured it out — if you have that’s wonderful — this isn’t for you.

This is for everyone else who feels like there’s something more out there. 

That feels like they haven’t lived up to their potential.

That’s still starstruck when they learn about a new type of career.

Or simply wonders, what is everyone doing?

You can find your people. You can make your way forward. 

And you don’t have to do it in the same way it’s always been done ‘because that’s just how it works’. The people who tell you that are the same people who change the rules then tell you you weren’t creative, smart, or quick enough. 

More info when the podcast drops. For now hang in there and say hi if this resonates.

💚